Treatment feedback for our short film idea

Feedback for our treatment

Overall we had both positive and negative feedback because initially our storyline was seen as a unique and interesting concept especially with the idea about not knowing where the money comes from. However the main part that we need to work on is the middle part of the narrative and fixing the scene of the person finding the money . e.g. some of the suggestion was

1.        Repetition of  the scenes of them sitting down and  finding the money so that there's more build up to the scene.

2.       The person having a bad day and unexpectedly they see money in the park which changes their situation. It would be better if they find the money once as that will make the scene stronger and it would be better if we focus more on build up of the  money scene.  Creating suspense.

3.       Or on 2^nd day they go to park and look for money again but then they see a letter threatening them about the money. In the letter they are being threatened that if they don't return the money they will be told off to the police.

4.Others suggested that, as we are focusing on the build up, we should have scenes  of the protagonist in bad/unlucky situations.This is most likely to affect our locations and would mean we need to have more settings . Also this is a possible way in which if could interpret comedy into our short films as most comical characters characters are clumsy or happen to be at the wrong place at the wrong time. 

These ideas were recommended because our audience was confused about the idea of how will the audience will feel the suspense within the drama as before, we decided to show  scenes of them repeatedly finding the  money and scenes of them  in front of different shops. From this we have come to conclude that the main part we need to focus on the  middle part and the build up of the scene of them finding money and the idea of creating danger or threat.